Let’s get something straight; I don’t want anything to do with your uterus… your vagina… or your womb. And honestly, I think you know that.
I think you realize our opposition to abortion has nothing to do with your lady bits, and everything to do with the limb by limb dissection of the child up above said goodies, but you don’t want us to think about that. I mean, who would? So instead you play this little game, where you scrawl catching slogans about your vajay across a sign, and pretend like the only reason we could possibly want to rid the world of abortion is because we are all sexually repressed and disgusted by vaginas or something. Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but that could not be further from the truth. I love sex. I love awesome sex. I have awesome sex. Often. And I sure as hell respect and admire my goods far more than you do, namely because I’ve seen what ALL they are capable of when they work together. I know the power my body holds. I revere it. It can make people with it. No, no, wait, really let that sink in… I. can. make. people. Oh yeah, and I feel I should point out, not with my “VAGINA!!!!” I believe there’s a lower case spelling of that word, but never once have I seen it used by your camp, so I’ll stick with what you know. Don’t get me wrong, my V is a wonderful delicate flower in a beautiful garden and all that other lame stuff our moms told us when we were like ten, but it does not make babies, it’s merely the portal. A super rad portal. So again, “VAGINAS!!!” do. not. make. babies. They’re capable of so much other awesome stuff, I do not know why you keep putting that on them. Because honestly it makes you look kinda dumb. No one is trying to cut off your clitoris, or take away your mind-blowing orgasms. You better believe, it that was the case, I’d be out of the front lines with you, sista.
Likewise, your federal government and mean evil Republicans are not trying to get all up in your womb. We don’t care about your uterus, as shocking as that may be, because as a female pro-lifer I can proudly say I am ALL for women’s reproductive rights! You don’t want to reproduce? Sweet. Don’t, girl. It’s 2013, that’s totally your call. You want to have a litter of kids? Cool, here’s some Mederma. I have no, and I repeat, NO business in your family planning when it comes to how many human lives you will or will not reproduce. Where you’re evidently a little foggy though, is your right to create a life then call take backs. Once a life has been produced, a living human being with its own body, which is now growing and thriving inside yours, you must protect it. Bottom line. That’s your inherent duty for, at the very least, the next 9-months. You are to do everything in your power to guard that human being as it’s mother whether it's part of your 5-year-plan or not. When, however, you decide that person is expendable because they don’t work with what you’ve got going on right now, that is a blatant assault on their human rights, and hell yeah, people will feel compelled to get involved. Child abuse always seems to rile up the crowds, so you cannot act shocked when suddenly we care about what’s happening to the person inside your uterus. Did you catch that? The PERSON INSIDE YOUR UTERUS. Still, don’t really want anything to do with your uterus in a particular, I’m sure it's lovely and all, but that’s just really not my thing.
Let me see if I can explain it another way… If I saw you holding up a sign, oh let’s say in the mid-1800’s reading, “My Plantation, My Choice!” or “Keep The Government Out Of My Slave Trade Practices!” I would say, "Hey Paula Deen, uh-no." Because see, we’d be talking about another human being, I mean, at least in my opinion... which certainly would’ve been unpopular back then. It took society quite some time to fully evolve to the point where slaves were viewed as people just like you and I, and slavery viewed as barbaric because it‘s the ownership of another human being. And man, how much do I wish we would’ve learned from that huge embarrassment in American history that other human beings are not our property. What's that? Other human beings are not our property? Exactly. Yet, here you still are, fighting for the right to snuff out another person’s life just because you can… just because it's legal. Well, a lot of things used to be legal. That doesn’t mean they were right.
That said, you’re not scaring me off by screaming about your “VAGINA!!!” because hopefully as you can see by now, I’m far too comfortable with that word and its namesake. Vaginas are the best, wombs do some of the most amazing things I've ever seen, and your uterus ain’t nobodies business but your own, that is, until it’s used as a place to perpetrate injustice against the human race, then yeah, I’m gonna be up in your business, sorry. If you want us out of your womb, cool. Don’t make it the scene of a crime against humanity, and we’re gone. Trust, there's like a thousand other places I'd rather spend my summer vacay. Peace, D.