Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Can you imagine a world without abortion?

What would it look like? Pro-choicers want us to believe it would be filled with hemorrhaging women, self-aborting and dying in the streets, but I'm not buying that. 

When I imagine what the world would look like if our fertility were treated as the super power it is, and the life of the unborn human given the respect it deserves, I see a place that's a whole hell of a lot more pro-woman than what we have now. 

Think about it. Currently when a low-income woman gets pregnant (or a young woman, or a single woman, or really any woman who doesn't have a life deemed “suitable” by society to bring children into) she is met with all types of hostility. Simply for having the audacity to, ya know, actually have the kid that clearly already exists inside her womb.
She basically has to make her case for why she should be able to STAY pregnant and how she plans on supporting said child with the least amount of inconvenience to society as possible. 

Her partner resents her; her boss resents her; her community resents her. She and her child--whose life is considered "a choice" (and because she CHOSE to keep the baby this is all her responsibility of course)--are now a burden to others. An inconvenience. This makes the fertile female person a liability to employers and partners. 

But what if we lived in a world that realized that once a new life had come into existence, the time for "choosing" whether or not it existed, was over? What if we lived in a world where that woman, no matter her age, income, or status, was accommodated rather than resented? 

Because more than 50 million unborn children have been aborted over the last 43-years, we can't know how society would have accommodated women if such a high number had continued with their pregnancies. 

Had the unborn person not been viewed as disposable, the world would've had to adjust.

Our culture and our corporations would have had to accept that--guess what!--women sometimes grow new people in their bodies and it's freakin' amazing. And not only should we respect the hell out of that, but we as a society might want to help a sister out a little bit more because without happy healthy women, society screeches to a halt. 

Unfortunately, we don't live in that world though. We live in a world where if you experience an unplanned pregnancy you are expected to work twice as hard to make up for you fertility. That child is not a blessing, it's a burden. It's not a person, it's a problem. 

Because abortion is an option, when a woman doesn't "choose" to terminate her pregnancy, by default she's choosing to burden her employer, her partner, her community. 

And we hate her for it. 

Abortion creates a world that is undeniably anti-woman. 
Post by Destiny

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

We cannot compete with Planned Parenthood. 
It's time we admit that.

     There are thousands of pro-life groups who are doing great things individually and offering pieces of what PP does, but I've yet to come across one nationwide entity that is offering comparable services, sans abortion.

     Federally Qualified Health Centers (FQHCs) are the closest thing we have to that, and let's be honest, they're more like the DMV than PP. So if a woman does not have a strong conviction against going to an abortion provider for her healthcare she is going to pick Planned Parenthood every time. She can schedule an appointment there, get all of her well woman services in one place, and get in and out in a timely manner.

     I can hardly blame women for being defensive when we talk about taking that away, without replacing it with something better.

     That said, I wonder what would happen if we stopped putting all of our efforts into "defunding" Planned Parenthood and instead started actively working to create an alternative. Pregnancy Centers are great resources for PREGNANT women, but guess what, women still need healthcare even when they're not pregnant. And letting uninsured, low income women go without annual breast exams and cervical screenings is not pro-life.

     I say this as an uninsured woman myself. I've been able to experience this lack of options first hand.

     However, I'm not one to complain about a problem without offering a solution. And it's worth noting that it took Planned Parenthood 100 years and millions of dollars in blood money to create the monopoly they currently have on women's "healthcare."

     Pro-life outreach usually COSTS us money, so we're going to have to get creative. The services already exist, the main thing we're missing is the network that links these resources together.

     Five years ago I felt called to start an app that would help uninsured and underinsured women find healthcare.

     It would be similar to "Around Me," but instead of showing you nearby bars and coffee shops, it would drop pins for Maternity Homes, Pregnancy Resource Centers, Pro-life Doctors who offer free/low cost services, FQHC, WIC offices, Free Sonograms, etc.

     The fact that this type of app doesn't already exist honestly blows my mind, and as a movement we should be ashamed that we haven't created it yet.

     THIS is how we take down Planned Parenthood. We offer COMPARABLE alternatives through a vast network of pro-life resources, in turn giving women real options and practical support.

     It would not be as easy as "Around Me" since we couldn't simply hook it up to a Google algorithm. The resources would have to be vetted, up-to-date, and entered into the network manually in order to guarantee that they are all life-affirming facilities. But it could be done if different pro-life groups adopted cities or states and committed to do this for the women and unborn children (and born children!) in their communities.

     Most sidewalk counselors already have this information gathered. It's usually in a big, bulky box that they haul around when offering alternatives outside of the clinics. But could you imagine being able to offer those same resources to women not just at the clinic, and from the palm of your hand?

     For me this is personal because I encountered a young woman 3-years-ago and wasn't able to help. I had already had this idea when I found myself in a Walmart bathroom, washing my daughter's hands over the sink. I looked up into the mirror and noticed an empty pregnancy test box on the floor of the stall behind us.

     You aren't in a good place when you're taking a pregnancy test in a Walmart bathroom. I knew I could help her but I didn't know how to without invading her privacy. I knew what the resources in my area were but I didn't know how to get them to this complete stranger locked in the stall behind me, without crossing quite a few boundaries.

     Could you imagine if I had a simple business card that read, "Help Assist Her - Women's Healthcare Resources In The Palm Of Your Hand" that I could've slipped under the stall door?

     I can, because I imagine it quite frequently. Such a simple act could've saved a life. I don't know whatever happened to that woman or her child, but I want to make this app for her and all of the women like her that we could reach.

     I don't know how this is going to happen, but I know there are enough of us here who are sick and tired of being against Planned Parenthood and are ready to be FOR something better.

     So if you think you can help, or know someone who could, please contact us. It's high time that Help Assist Her became a reality.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Amanda Marcotte Just Makes Shit Up

So evidently this is how modern day online journalism works now. You decide you hate someone and then go and cobble out the villain you want them to be from work that they're only distantly connected to. 

Exhibit A:

Like literally she just removed the word "not" so that it would have to opposite meaning and then slapped it by my name. Are you effing kidding me, Salon?

Marcotte then goes on to attributed someone else's words from a blog post (which she actually links to in her "article," y'all… showing the other person's attribution and all) and claims it was MY story about giving up contraceptive. {Note to self: Let husband know about this update in our sex life.}

So basically this is how internet "news" works these days. Good to know. NWF *official* response:

*all of those words were in her article or articles people she knows have written before 
so I put them together in a sentence I liked better. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Empowering Exploitation

Originally published by the Dallas Morning News

“She looked so much like my daughter…”

That was the thought that kept rolling around in my head as I drove to work after an early morning coffee with a friend. We were sitting outside of a Starbucks in North Dallas, enjoying the beautiful fall weather and brainstorming about ways we could reach more women globally through our activism, when I saw this young girl walking through the parking lot.

She was probably all of 5-feet tall, with a thin frame and light brown wavy hair cascading passed her shoulders... just like my daughters. Her legs were tan but not in the fashionable way you’d expect in an affluent Texas city. As she walked her shorts crept up and down on her thighs, exposing a very defined tan line which was a deep red around the edges. I couldn’t tell if it was the beginning stages of a burn or the end of the healing process, either way she’d clearly been standing out in the sun for quite some time wearing those shorts. My daughter has a similar pair which she usually throws on over her leotard on the way to gymnastics practice.

The young woman had beads of sweat covering her face, but given the cool morning breeze, I knew it wasn’t from the weather. Her eyes were darting back and forth as she neared our table. I’d stopped talking to my friend mid-sentence and with everything in my being tried to mentally will the girl to come over to us. My silent prayer was that once she got closer she might pause long enough that we could offer her a cup of coffee, or something to eat. Anything to be able to talk to her. After all, here we were trying to think of ways to "love women better" around the world, all the while she was being “loved” the wrong way in our own backyard.

A few months back I had stopped at the gas station across the street from that Starbucks. I noticed a giant fishbowl of 25 cent condoms near the register. It seemed so odd to me, and when I made a comment to the clerk he responded with, “Yeah, they are big sellers here.”

“Here?” What did that mean?

It didn’t take long for me to start noticing young women standing near the lights at this particular intersection every time I passed. Often they’d be accompanied by a male. Unlike the usual panhandlers in that area they were never holding signs though. Just standing. Quietly advertising.

So when this girl, who was probably only 6 or 7 years older than my 10-year-old daughter, blew passed us without pausing as she headed towards the run down hotel behind Starbucks, my heart broke. I knew why her legs were so sun-kissed. I knew why her face was so damp. I wondered if she was ever in gymnastics. I wondered if her mother ever had to wrangle that beautiful wavy hair into a top bun before practice. How did she get here? She doesn’t belong here. No woman belongs here.

Women are being exploited on street corners and sold in back pages across the country because we claim sex work is all about agency and it can even be empowering. Perhaps to a select few, but let's not kid ourselves, those few are privileged. The ones who are truly choosing to sell themselves like property with clear and sober minds are not the norm. The average woman, or girl in many cases, is escaping abuse and pursuing addiction. She is stuck in a vicious cycle that makes her more vulnerable than any child should ever be. And she need compassion, not criminal charges. She needs rehabilitation, not a rap sheet.

In just a few years that girl’s young face will have aged by decades. She will no longer look like my daughter, but she will still be someone’s child. 

She will still be someone. 


Post by Destiny

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

The Past, The Present, & The Future Of Feminism

A few weeks ago I went to hang out with a friend of mine who's battling cancer. I decided to pick up some movies on the way, so I rented a serious one that looked really good and a stupid, funny one, in case she needed a laugh. At the time I didn't realize how ironic my choices were: I'd grabbed 'Suffragette' and 'Trainwreck.'
Here we had, in just 2 DVD's, feminism of the past and modern day fauxminism.
We went with Trainwreck, which was just that, but later that night I came home and watched 'Suffragette' with my daughters.
The feminism depicted in Suffergette (which desperately needs reclaiming btw) focuses on what women are capable of accomplishing, despite their gender. While Schumer's brand of feminism is all about what women can get away with, BECAUSE of their gender.
It's nothing more than pussy power fauxminism and it's weak.
"Men are pigs! And look, now women can be pigs too, because equality or something! I can screw a new guy each night and still totally love my existence... Oh wait, until I fall for one of them and then I cannot exist without him! Because MENMENMENMENMENMENMEN!!!!"
Whoops, sorry, I guess should've said spoiler alert first since that's basically the entire plot line of Trainwreck. #soempowering
Here's an idea, maybe the feminism of the future shouldn't focus so hard on gender, but rather what we can all do as human beings to just, be better.
Nobody be a pig. Everybody operate at the highest standard, not based on what's between your legs, but just as human beings. And while we're at it, can we please stop saying men are pigs? I have two sons and that's certainly not the way I'm raising them... or my daughters for that matter. No more excuses for bad behavior or double standards because boys are "just" being boys. That's bullshit. My sons are just as capable as my daughters are at controlling their urges and respecting others. And my daughters are just as capable as my sons are at controlling their emotions and using their brains. I expect them all to be upstanding, respectful, powerful members of society and change the freaking world for the better.
So, moral of the story, if your friend is already dealing with Chemo then for the love of gawd don't make them suffer any more by imposing 2 hours of Amy Schumer on 'em. Btw, my friend's a total warrior and she's gonna be just fine... despite what I put her through.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Why abortion is about race...

So I have kick-ass friends. One of them, who out of respect for her will be anonymous, posted the following status update on Facebook. She herself is a woman of color, so when she speaks on this issue, I make sure to listen.

I was happy to see that she listed Planned Parenthood amongst her list of social injustices that black people face. 

I've been a fan of Ta-Nehisi Coats for a few years now, and while he addresses many of the other issues my friend listed, he often neglects to mention how abortion disproportionately impacts his female counterparts.

Out of curiously I decided to read the comments under my friends post. NEVER READ THE COMMENTS, I know, I know...

There always has to be that one guy. I decide to engage him because having just walked in the house from a camping trip with four children, I had nothing but time to argue on the internet. Surely, the filthy, stinky, lake water laden laundry would do itself. Ha.

Anyway, the following conversation took place, and I thought it was worth sharing. I barely noticed what this gentleman was saying until I had stepped away from the conversation for a bit, and then it hit me. See if you can spot it before I did:

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Common Sense Feminism

What is New Wave Feminism? Why use the term “new wave?” Why not just call it “pro-life feminism?”

New Wave Feminism is more than just pro-life feminism. It is an attempt not only to rehabilitate the term “pro-life,” but to rehabilitate feminism.

When people ask us what it means, we usually explain that it is common sense feminism. It’s a middle ground between the wacko Tumblr feminists who seem to be creating – and polluting – the fourth wave, and reactionary anti-feminists, who are – for the most part – responding to the nonsensical extremism of the Tumblr types.

For people who care about basic human rights such as life and liberty, the word “feminist” conjures up images of young female activists in bloody pants screaming about their vaginas and demanding an end to free speech on campus. In one generation, we went from “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” to “Your words hurt me. Get off my campus.” 

A good example of this is the Blaze writer and famous gay libertarian Milo Yiannoupoulis, a tall, blonde asshole who hates women and has no use for us. I agree with him on many economic issues, but his unbridled misogyny makes me barf. 

However, the answer to his anti-woman garbage is a thoughtful and compelling response, not censorship.

Milo has been banned from various U.S. campuses, mostly by fauxminist groups and people who have forgotten the phrase I grew up hearing: “I may not agree with what you’re saying, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”

In the Reagan-era America of my childhood, I heard this all the time from adults talking to each other. It inspired me and made me proud to be American.

Now, Americans seem to believe in something called “hate speech.” That phrase I grew up with, the one about believing in everyone’s right to a little something called free speech – I don’t hear it anymore. I hear about how some speech is too harmful to be heard. Our natural-born right to speak our minds, enshrined forever in the Constitution, has to be “gentled down” in case someone is unduly influenced, threatened, marginalized, or has their tiny fee-fees hurt.

We call the Tumblr feminists “fauxminists” because what they espouse is the opposite of feminism. They are polishing up their victimhood, parading it around and calling it feminism. 

We call bullshit. That is the opposite of feminism.

A real feminist hears Milo (or his ilk) speak, and says, “That was pure garbage. Here’s why.” And then has a reasoned, intelligent response.

A fauxminist hears that Milo will be speaking on campus, throws a giant fit to get him censored, and if that fails, demands a “safe space” on campus during his terroristic speech, where she can gather with other fauxminists to whine and cry about it because she feels “harmed.”

That, systers, is not feminism. That is victimhood. That is cowardice. That is a hateful, grotesque parody of womanhood. 

Milo is not the problem. You, fauxminists, are the problem. You are growing his audience for him. You are even sometimes – I hate to say it – proving him right.

How are we supposed to argue with Milo when he says that women are over-emotional, spoiled, irresponsible, irrational, useless creatures when fauxminist behavior is so often the very same?

Stop whining. Stop demanding special treatment. Start being thoughtful, reasonable human beings. Most women are, you know. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.

Allow others to speak. That is the right your feminist foremothers fought for. They went to great lengths to see to it that women were recognized as intelligent people of sound mind who deserved equal rights like property ownership and suffrage, not hysterical, entitled twats.

You are undoing their hard work, fauxminists. You are making a mockery of feminism and turning it into the “f-word.” Because of your antics, modern women – all of whom have benefited from feminism – are now denouncing it. Maybe they’re misguided, but can you blame them when the media illustrates modern feminism with descriptions of your ridiculous, self-serving antics?

Your causes are frivolous: censoring “hate speech” on campus; “freeing the nipple;” “free” abortion on demand without apology; “free” birth control pills, and so on. 

Meanwhile, your sister in the developing world is being beheaded for the onerous wrongdoing of being raped; disfigured for the terrible misdeed of refusing a marriage proposal; forced to cover her entire body for the horrific crime of being born a woman.

That is, of course, if she gets to grow up and be a woman. If she is not killed in the womb or at birth for being female, as so often happens in China; if she does not die in early childhood of neglect in a strong son-preference culture like India; if she is not sex-trafficked in Eastern Europe; if she survives being raped in Johanessburg, South Africa, where the rate is now 50%.

The fauxminist response to this is, of course, sending wealthy, educated white doctors to the third world to give women just exactly what they need: more abortions.

Let’s not champion a healthy economic future in Africa or South America by supporting a free market, the only economic system proven time and again to lift vast populations out of poverty. Let’s do nothing to free women from the captivity of diminished choices. Let’s do nothing to create a third world where women can do something besides give birth to child after child on the dirt floor of a hut, or in a pathetic excuse for a hospital. 

Instead of addressing the actual problem – that women have no options but to toil in poverty and do their husband’s bidding, no say in whether they become mothers – let’s just fly a “doctor” over there to abort her child and send her home. 

Or: let’s really go out on a limb, get out of our comfort zones, and petition Congress to provide more aid to Africa! That’s done so much good so far, hasn’t it? Knowing that all of the “aid” we sent over just depleted their local fledgling industries while making those farmers and workers dependent on our handouts, because no matter how fair they price their locally grown, sewn, or harvest products, they simply cannot compete with “free” American aid. But that’s not important, all that matters is that we’re able to tick the “activist” box for the day, and can sleep soundly on our Tempurpedic, after our $12 glass of wine and a couple Ambien.

Meanwhile, in the U.S., let’s make sure that abortion, free birth control, and freeing the nipple are the cornerstone of feminism, and wonder why we get laughed at.

New Wave Feminism is common sense feminism. We say: women are powerful, capable, intelligent, and rational. We are capable of being mothers, or choosing not to be. We are capable of having incredible careers outside the home, or choosing not to. We are capable of doing whatever we decide to do, and we don’t need to silence or oppress anyone else – whether it’s Milo Yiannopoulis or our own children – to do it. 

We say “no” to the idea that liberation comes at the expense of other people.

New Wave Feminism rejects the enshrined victimhood of fauxminism. We discard the notion that women’s healthcare is synonymous with abortion, and we vehemently deny that we need Planned Parenthood – or any other corporation – to give us free shit or kill our children so that we can achieve our dreams.

Thanks, anyway, but we got this.

New Wave Feminism is the future of feminism. Without a return to sane, reasonable feminism that denies the hysterics of extremism and embraces true women’s advocacy in the third world, feminism is doomed.

Help us reclaim it. Join us. We are the New Wave.


Post by Kristen Walker Hatten