Monday, September 1, 2014

Why This Video Matters To Me Personally

Most of us think we know what rape is. Whenever someone forces themself onto another person without consent, it's sexual assault. It's very black and white... except when it isn't.

It took me ten years and ultimately a very honest and kind friend to tell me that when I was "taken advantage of" in high school that one time, I had actually been raped. I mean, had I said "no"? Yes. Had I been crying? Yes. Had I asked him to stop? I had. But in my mind, because he had not beaten me up and wasn't holding me down, it wasn't really rape - it was just a teenage guy "taking advantage of the situation." For years I used that term. For years I made excuses for his behavior.

We live in an increasingly violent world, where most adolescent boys are brought up on a steady stream of pornography. The images they see are far from those in their father's Playboy. They are inundated with women being dominated, overpowered, and placed increasingly in states of pain. Their natural, instinctual reaction to protect their partners from harm, or to stop when their partners are expressing discomfort, has now been replaced with the exact opposite. Inflicting pain becomes a turn-on. These boys confuse faces twisting in agony with pleasure based on the pornography they've fed their minds for years. Sexual intimacy is rapidly being replaced with violence in our modern-day society.

And it's not just the guys who are learning this. Young women are constantly being told that their power lies in their sexuality; every magazine stand and billboard screams it. You want to exude confidence and strength? Become the ultimate sex kitten. Act like the girl in the porn or like Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey.

I didn't get up and run away that day because the very thing that was supposed to make me confident and strong was now breaking me - making me feel scared and weak. I froze. Between the two of us, we'd created the perfect storm: a girl so insecure that she couldn't forcefully demand that the boy stop violating her, and a boy who thought "no" meant "yes," and that "stop" meant "go."

As I watch Live Action's latest undercover investigation into Planned Parenthood, SexEd, I want to jump through the screen and shake the nurse who thinks it's okay to talk to a 15-year-old girl about "safe words" and BDSM - who's telling this girl that words like "no" and "stop" can get "mixed up when you're having intercourse," or that "usually a lot of people will say 'stop' even though it feels good." She has no idea of the long-term damage she's doing - or, honestly, maybe she does have an idea, and it's simply good for business.

When we tell teens to engage in this type of destructive behavior, we are telling them they are not worthy of love. We are saying they do not deserve to be cherished, that they deserve only to be hurt. We are telling them abuse is affection. And furthermore, when we instruct them that "stop" is not a good safe word because "usually people say 'stop' even though it feels good," we are reinforcing the lie, to a generation of confused young men, that yeah, she really did want it. And we are telling the girls hurt by these young men that they were probably asking for it.


Post by Destiny

Monday, August 25, 2014

True Feminism vs. Pussy Power

Kristen Hatten articulated it best when she said, "Only a movement so far up its own ass could call both Meshell Ndegeocello and Madonna 'feminists.'" 

In this case it's more like Malala Yousafzai and Beyoncé.

Now, as someone who's often told I can't call myself a feminist because I don't believe in violence in the womb, trust me, I'm very slow to kick anyone out of the club. However, allowing women who constantly commodify their bodies for the highest bidding award show or best paying record label to proclaim themselves as "feminists" without any outrage means we're okay with them prostituting all of our bodies. Because this isn't just damaging to them. They are creating a culture that sees all of us as parts and pieces to be acquired, sold, and traded at leisure. 

It's bad for the message. It's bad for the movement. It's bad for women. 

What they are doing is not feminism, it's pussy power. Plain and simple. And there's a big difference between the two.

They're frustrated, so they cheat. They give a big "F-U!" to the rest of us and decide this is how they're beating the man (off *cough*). I get it. Sometimes the thought of being viewed as a fully equal human being also seems like a daydream. However, I choose not to suck balls to get ahead. Literally. 

You might not understand the difference, so let me give you a few examples:

Pussy Power Fauxminism says, "First both of my legs go back on your head, and whatever you want, yeah baby, I'm bad."

Feminism says, "Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less." -Susan B. Anthony

Pussy Powers says, "You want me? I walk down the hallway. You like it? The bedroom's my runway. Slap me! I'm pinned to the doorway. Kiss, bite, foreplay."

Feminism says, “I raise up my voice - not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard... we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.” -Malala Yousafzai

PP says, "I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world. Don’t forget it, don’t forget it. Respect that, bow down, bitches."

Feminism says, “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else's whim or to someone else's ignorance.” -bell hooks

I see so many "feminists" enraged when their daughters are sent home for wearing skirts that are too short, then they turn around and take the same 15-year-old to a Bey concert. How damned confused do you want that kid to be? Which is it, ladies?! Are we carnal, animalistic sexual creatures, or not? You can't have it both ways. If we want men to be better, we must be better. It's just that basic. We must be the leaders who show them not just how to treat us, but how to treat every single human being they come in contact with. We seriously have that much power and it could change the entire freaking world if we could get our act together. 

We are not equal. Thank God. We want equal human rights, and we damn well deserve them, but at the end of the day we are uniquely feminine. Once we finally realize this, perhaps we can get this clusterfucked movement back on track, because right now we have a bunch of chicks rep'n feminism while shakin' their asses on MTV. And WE'RE PROUD OF THAT?!? Really? 

Our innate powers and abilities are what set us apart. The second we embrace everything that makes us female, rather than denying it or whoring it out, we might finally stand a chance. Right now "feminism" is stuck in the extremes. We treat our fertility like a disease and burden, rather than the bad ass super power it is (we can make people, let. that. shit. sink. in.), OR we're nothing but sexual creatures, so sexually liberated that every orifice is primed and ready at all times. I bet the patriarchy just hates that. 

Dear god, please wake up, Feminism. Because you look stupid. 


Post by Destiny

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Value of Human Life

I cannot relate to the horror of knowing my child might be decapitated.

I cannot relate to the trauma of having my daughters kidnapped while at school simply because they are girls and not boys.

I do not have to worry about having only moments to run for shelter before a bomb is dropped on my family.

These are all evils I am desperately aware of, but they are not happening here, to me, now. I cannot act like they are. I can donate money and share links; I can contact elected officials and speak until I'm blue in the face about how these atrocities must stop, but can I stop them? Probably not. Can I relate to them on anything more than a superficial level? If I'm being completely honest, no.

Sadly, these horrific events are happening on the other side of the world. I lose sleep imagining them, aching to do something, but nothing of real use comes from my comfortable anguish.

Then an actor dies. A funny man who beneath it all was so sad he took his own life. And I can relate to that. I can relate to being in a part of the world that has everything yet still lacks so much. I've never truly been without shelter or safety, but I have felt great sadness and the truest despair possible in the only environment I've ever known. I’ve lost more than I can ever hope to gain back. I’ve grieved a soul mate taken from me far too soon. I've felt that defeated and lost. I've had those thoughts. I've looked at all I was blessed with and hated myself even more for feeling so hopeless when I had so much. I can relate to some Hollywood actor more than I can relate to a mother who fears for the life of her child on a minute by minute basis. That might not be socially acceptable, but it's the truth.

We are all aware of the pain, suffering, and reprehensible evils in the world, but they often feel too far off to fix.

Then there are those that hit close to home, and we feel like we might actually have a shot at making an impact. So we share our own stories, and we let others know they're not alone in this universal struggle, because yes, you can mourn a celebrity while still fighting oppression in the Middle East and aching for the families suffering there. It's not an either/or... it's an all. We all hurt, but thankfully, we also all belong to something bigger; something human. And that humanity is the only thing capable of overpowering such suffering, no matter what side of the globe we're on.

However, that same humanity is also incapable of devaluing even one human life, whether it's lost in California, Israel, Nigeria, or Iraq- because that humanity, the humanity which will save us all, counts every single life as precious.


Post by Destiny

Thank You, Mom.

Today is my birthday and I just wanted to take a minute to tell you all how amazing my mother is. She was 19, single, and living away from home when she found out she was pregnant. She knew choosing life for me meant she would have to leave college and move back home. She had every reason in the world to abort me and pretend like I never existed. But she didn't. She put my life over her own and has been an amazing example of what true female strength is ever since. She spent the next decade working to provide for me while finishing her degree. My mother is one of the most courageous women I've ever known. And as I sit here today, watching my kids jump through the sprinklers in her front yard, I cannot thank her enough for giving me life. That choice will impact generations to come...

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Post by Destiny

Monday, June 16, 2014

Why You Need To See Obvious Child

Two weeks ago I saw the movie “Obvious Child” and since then I’ve written just as many reviews.
The first was all about how funny yet horrible it was, wherein I pretty much described the whole thing scene for scene since I was basically asking you not to see a pretty funny movie and felt like, at the very least, I owed you that.

The second was a much more rational review giving credit where credit was due (as mentioned above it is very funny) but still imploring you to understand Hollywood’s efforts to unstigmatize something that, well, quite honestly should not be unstigmatized because when we start killing the innocent for fun we might as well all grow silly little patch mustaches and start speaking German. Oh yeah, I totally went there. Hard. Which is why both of those reviews will remain locked away in my word doc files for all of eternity.

Today I started a third draft, and this is it. 

Go see “Obvious Child.”

Give the big nasty pro-aborts in Hollywood your hard earned money and watch it. (Or find a bootlegged version on-line, totally your call. Just see it.)

Why on Earth would you do that, you ask? It’s simple: this movie’s audience is your audience. The people it is speaking to are the people you are speaking to. The message it’s getting across (to the point that the theater applauded at the end… to my horror) is the latest promotion of abortion and we must be prepared to debunk it.

“Obvious Child” is being touted as the first ever “Abortion Rom-Com.” That’s right, a romantic comedy about abortion. I thought it would be impossible to do, but it wasn’t. I mean think about it. You have a broken, vulnerable protagonist, a naïve pretty boy love interest, and an unplanned pregnancy. We live in a world where abortion is, not to play too much into the title, the obvious answer.  It wouldn’t be to you or me, but it is to a significant number of women in the world. One in three will have an abortion at some point in their life. These are the women you and I know and love. These are the women seeing this movie. These are the women who you might run into next week, on the sidewalk, outside of the clinic.

This movie is absolutely meant to normalize abortion, and how can we combat that if we don't see it? How will we be able to point out what a total infomercial the scene at Planned Parenthood is? The acting was pretty awful and totally Obama and Zach G. Between Two Ferns-ing it for the Affordable Care Act, all over again. The woman you might be counseling, she saw that scene. It’s might even be why she decided to trust Planned Parenthood in the first place. The info it gave her about how PP offers HIV & STD testings and how the abortion won't hurt her at all might be what helped her get out of bed and come here today, but you won’t know that’s what’s going on in her head. You won’t know to mention the pain her child’s capable of feeling which the movie very conveiniently left out. You won’t know to warn her that not all Planned Parenthood “counselors,” like the one in the film will offer her alternatives such as adoption. That’s what you’re there for.

Honest truth, this movie is totally abortion Juno. It just is. It’s quirky and hip and completely relates to today’s generation, and if you refuse to see it because you will not contribute to garbage like this coming out of Hollywood, I’ll respect that. But if you see it anyway, because you want to prepare yourself for the lies about abortion that are being wrapped up in pretty witty little packages and given to girls today, I’ll respect that even more. As a pro-lifer it’s not an easy movie to watch. But as a pro-lifer a lot of things are hard for us to see, especially young girls who have been lied to and brainwashed going into these clinics to kill their children because propaganda like this makes it seem like everyone is doing it and it's no big deal. Speak their language, meet them on their level, and let them know it is. 


Post by Destiny