This Just In: Letting Dudes Jerk Off To Your Rack Will Not Cure Breast Cancer

It might give a giggle (among other things) to the men... if you even want to call them that... who thought up this stupid gimmick, but contrary to popular belief "No Bra Day" is just another dumb ploy to turn young women into pieces of porn. The idea behind the campaign is to raise awareness by going braless on the 13th and then posting pics or your chi-chi's on the internet. Hate to break it to ya, but this will NOT raise breast cancer awareness, ladies. Unless of course "breast cancer awareness" is your gross little codename for trouser tents. 

As a matter of fact, a friend of a friend had a wonderful idea just in case the sleazeballs behind this "campaign" really did want to raise awareness... 

"If you want to use pictures... show women who have lost their breasts to a mastectomy! Now THAT might scare women into being aware and getting those all important mammograms... but of course MEN won't want to see that."

Of course not. But that's not the point here anyway, is it?

I decided to check out their page, praying that women could not possibly be naive enough to fall for this scam, and after being met by a barrage of cleave shots (imagine my surprise), I stumbled upon perhaps one of the stupidest "About" sections I've ever come across. And we're talking facebook here folks, so that's saying something.  

Now join me as I attempt to decipher the Boobstagram "awareness" campaign's core message (as described on their FB):

"The fight against cancer is long-standing; progresses are real but can seem slow compared with other diseases, despite considerable human and financial ressources dedicated to it."

{Why has no one tried hosting a universal tits out day?!? I mean, c'mon guys, screw medicine, this is obviously the answer!}

"We cannot all become doctors or surgeons."

{Perhaps if I'd spent less time trying to get girls drunk so you could feel them up in college I might actually be able to save these "tatas" I proclaim to care so much about.}  

"But we can all take part in prevention, for ourselves, for our friends and family and for others. But how? How to be heard in the public area overwhelmed with messages?" 

{Hmmmmm, take nudity pics and post them on the internets? Genius!}

"How to avoid the pitfall of moralism?"

{tit pics.} 

 "How to build a popular communication matching with the up-to-date scientific knowledge?"

{science-schmience. tit pics.}

 "And how to create a rather fun prevention campaign when most campaigns use fear?"

{Dude, 'cause I can't tell you all the times Susan G. has had me in tears with one of their sad Sarah McLachlany commercials... oh shit wait, that's was the SPCA, never mind.  Look whatever, we know most breast cancer campaigns have been pretty much solely centered around the hilarity and sexiness of the boob in whimsical and falsely empowering ways, so what's one more?!}

"By using this approach and by targeting young people, those most comfortable with new technologies and most comfortable with unconventional messages, we attempt to raise awareness amongst those who must change their behaviour today, in order to change their future tommorrow."

{No saggy old tits. C'mon, do it. It's for the future and the children and sturf or something.}

"It is indeed one extra challenge of this disease, that one prepares one’s cancer in 20, 30 or 40 years. However, raising awareness amongst young people about real but distant risks is extremely complex."

{We're serious, no old tits.}

"There are several types of preventions:Primary prevention that targets unhealthy behaviours.Secondary prevention that promotes early detection of disease, when medicine can be most effective."

{Ignore what everyone else says. Posting pics of your rack on the internet is like totes a healthy behavior.}

"It is on those two axis that we will attempt to intervene with those illustrated messages that we hope to see circulate widely on social networks."

{Let us use your breasts to get more "likes," "shares," and "retweets" on our creepy pedophile heaven social media sites.}

"Glamorous, audacious, original, whatever the means, as long as the objective is fulfilled: To stay alive."

{And by "stay alive" we obviously mean "keep us poppin' boners." And by "Objective" we obviously mean "object" A.K.A. "you" needs to be pretty nekkid, foxy young thang. Thanks.} 

And ladies... here's the moment you've all been waiting for, the faces of those who "likes" this site and page... 'nuff said.

They want young women and girls to free their cans on instagram (hey that's actually pretty catchy, use it and I'll sue, Boobstagram) for the dudes they're catering to. Period. Well, no wait, they don't like periods... because periods are a drag.

And just incase you haven't thrown up in your mouth enough yet. Here's the nipple on top of this "make a boob of yourself" campaign:

{Translation: Make it about breast cancer and doctors again for a sec so they can't see our hands down our pants.}

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Major thanks to Chrissi Fisher for inspiring this post with her wonderful wit and web watching.

Pro-Life Feminists & The New Patriarchy

We believe the oppression we suffered before the women's movement has now been passed down to our offspring. We were once men's property, and now we're told our children are our property, to do with whatever we please. Radical feminism has become singularly focused on abortion rights which could not make the patriarchy happier. Because see, they are no longer looking for broodmares, to birth a dozen farm working kids for them. No, the new patriarchy wants nothing to do with you or your offspring. Well, actually I take that back. They still want to screw you, but that's it. 

You got that right, sweet cheeks.

The new patriarchy expects you to treat your fertility like a disease on every level. Pump your body full of chemicals to prevent reproduction and if that fails, you better kill whatever life was created. It's still all about money for them, but now that kids cost more than they can make, so the new patriarchy embraces abortion. They do not want to have to pay child support. 

Neither does our predominately male run government. They sure as hell don't want to support your kid for the next 18-years (don't even get me started on if you're a minority because didn't you notice precisely when the civil rights movement started to prove successful, abortion clinics moved into all the low income, black and hispanic communities?). The politicians wanting to make abortion as accessible as possible are not doing that for womankind. It's all about the money they'll save if they can get us to kill our children before they start mooching off the government. And the best part, they've made us think it was our idea, that it's all about autonomy.

That body, the one IN your body, has its own DNA, its own heartbeat, and half the time its own gender. That is not your body. And that human being deserves its own autonomy as well.

We're hardly naive though. Even if abortion were to become illegal tomorrow, there are women who would still seek it out. Why? Because tomorrow women will still feel helpless, and scared, and like they're not strong enough, or well off enough, or capable enough to take care of the new life they've created. New Wave Feminists is about empowering them with information and resources so they realize they do have choices, real choices where they can take a less than desirable situation and turn it into something phenomenal. Because that's what women do. That is what we are capable of. We are strong and we overcome, and we don't run away when shit gets tough, just because it would make it easier on the dudes who want us to kill our children in the name of "liberation." Screw that.

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Post by Destiny

Seeing humans not property....

"The modern day abortion argument reminds me of Abraham Lincoln debating with the opposition about the status of a slave being "human". In our history we look back and are astonished to think our ancestors could think that way. How could they not know that person before them with the same features and number of limbs wasn't human for heaven's sake? We had to fight a civil war to close an argument that to people in the present seems so clear. 

I feel like this debate of when life begins will someday be one of those moments. In the last 25 years, we have been able to peer into the womb like no other generation before. Wanted babies have yards of sonogram footage showing toes and first smiles. Women, pro-choice and pro-life mourn the loss of a wanted baby, when lost in utero. Somehow, that baby becomes a clump of cells when it's a product of poor judgement or "bad timing". I think one day we will look back at the massive loss of human life and all be ashamed. Our children and our children's children will wonder how we were too stupid to see that person with the same features and number of limbs in the sonogram (cause its not like we couldn't see them with our own eyes) wasn't a human and deserving of rights."

-Jennifer Jenkins Chase

How To Convince Radical Fauxminists This Is All. Their. Damn. Fault.

Originally, I set out to write a "How to never be with a guy who would try to manipulate you into having an abortion" counter-piece to this trash, but turns out typing "Don't date asshole scum" does not a full blog post make. So instead, I've decided to write yet another open letter to all the radical fauxminists of the world who have no freakin' excuse to be outraged by this douchebag's article, because it was soooooo the next logical step in this idiotic movement of theirs. Wish me luck, here goes...

Dear Gloria Steinem and Co.,

You finally did it, sisters. You're finally there. Where you ask? Well let me tell you, you're all finally equal suckasses in the town of suckassville, where there might be barf all over the floor, but at least the gumball machine's stocked full of Plan B! So, party on, right?!

See, forty years ago you "won" us the right to choose life or death for our offsprings, and now the inevitable has happened- frat boys with the emotional depth of a clogged urinal have managed to duplicate their one pathetic brain cell, and wise up just enough to demand their own dose of equality by asking for the right choose as well. And I mean, can we really blame them? They did the same deed, sowed the same seed, so why shouldn't they get a say? What, like when you kill your children it's all cute and delicate and shiz, but when they want the very same thing it suddenly becomes a mean, manly, lumberjacky abortion? Shooo gurl, that's sexist. And you know better. 

Thing is, they're asking for the exact same thing you are... freedom from responsibility, at all costs. They're not ready to shoulder the burden of parenthood. They're equally as irresponsible as you, and maybe they can't afford a kid right now either, or just want to finish school first, or have prom coming up and sitters be expensive, yo. So why are you so outraged when one of them writes something like "How to convince a girl to get an abortion?" When what you really should be upset about is the fact that he feels the need to manipulate you into doing so. He shouldn't have to stoop to that level just because he wants junior ripped limb from limb. All he should have to do is ask, which is why I am going to propose the following....

If you're really all for equality like you claim to be, than I think the baby batter donor of that little bun in your oven should get just as much say as you do in whether or not your child gets to live or die.

Granted, we must acknowledge this fetus fiesta is happening in your body, and I do think that counts for something. Because of that, I propose that you get ultimate veto power, BUT it will come at a cost. Here's what I'm spitballing... 

If he says abort and you say no, he's off the hook when it comes to all future child support payments and parenting responsibilities. That's only fair, and like equality or something, right? I mean, doesn't that just make your feminist parts tingle with liberation?! You had your shot, you chose not to abort, now he gets his chance to cut all parental ties as well.

Second scenario, if you want to abort and he does not, you must payout damages for his emotional distress. I looked it up and the internet said it's actually a pretty easy thing to prove. Here's all he needs to do to win big bucks:

• You must have experienced severe emotional distress. (You're killin' his kid, so yeah, duh.)
• The defendant's conduct has to be outrageous or extreme. The conduct must include more than threats, insults, indignities and annoyances. However, the actions do not have to include any physical harm. (Threatening to kill his bambino, THEN actually doing it through physical harm to said bambino. Cha-ching!)
• You must prove the defendant's act was reckless or intentional. For example, the defendant harassed you or intentionally told you of a family member's death that wasn't true. (But in this case the family member, his son or daughter, will actually die, so they'll probably add a few extra zeros for that one too.)
• The defendant's actions must actually be the cause of your emotional distress. (And obviously they are. He sees his future hopes and dreams in your womb fruit, and you're about to have it obliterated.)

See? Easy-peasy to prove, especially since you won't contest because, feminism. All that money you're gonna save on pampers you can just put straight towards the payout. (Wo)Man, I bet you're loving equality so hard right now. And there it is at its finest. At least as fine as anything can be in the suckass town of suckassville where rather than striving to achieve unique greatness in our own genders, everyone would rather settle for the most base level of equality.

So sayonara suckassers.

Signed,

A real feminist who sees that going from an "incubator" to a "semen receptacle" is no progress at all.

And that's all we're gonna say about that...

"I kept thinking Miley reminded me of all the little girls I have come into contact with through years of social service who have been sexually molested. Little girls who made me completely horrified, saddened and creeped out in the way they constantly tried to cross inappropriate physical contact lines with everyone around them, because they have been taught that is what is expected of them- that it pleases adults. 

Miley seems to me like a child molested 

by the entire culture."

~Christina Sanantonio

She sees you, Daddy...

She always thought Mommy was the prettiest woman in the world, as they’d lie on the bed basking in the afternoon sun pouring through the window, she fit so perfectly snug against Mommy’s curves. Mommy turned on her side one time and her baggy shirt revealed scars on her hips and stomach. She gently traced them with her fingers and quietly asked, “What are these Mommy?” After a moment Mommy replied, “Those are my warrior scars, baby… They show the world that I’ve done one of the toughest things a woman can do, and lived to tell about it. I brought forth life.” She wanted to be just like Mommy… a warrior too.

She was seven when that all changed though, as your eyes fixated on the woman who had just walked into the restaurant. Mommy was too busy wiping mashed potatoes off baby brother’s hands to notice, but she saw you. She watched as your eyes follow the woman all the way to her seat, and she noticed how this woman’s beauty had captivated you. She studied the woman carefully, noticing the sexy way she dressed even though she didn’t know the word to describe it at the time. And in that moment she wanted to be just like her. That woman may not be a warrior, but she had your full, undivided attention.

After dinner you came back home and began to shuffle through the monotony… baths, teeth, PJ’s, and bed. After you tucked her in, she laid awake in her room thinking about the beautiful woman… the way she walked, the way she dressed, the way she did her hair. She thought about the woman for quite some time when suddenly she heard you and Mommy arguing down stairs. “What do you mean it’s overdue… I thought we just paid it!” Mommy’s voice was too quiet to hear, but she could tell Mommy was crying. She heard you yell, “Well, maybe you should get a job already?” And with that she was very confused. Mommy was always telling people she had the best job in the world, taking care of her and little brother… but maybe you didn’t think so. Maybe you think there’s something better than being a warrior. She wondered if maybe being beautiful like the woman was better...

She tossed and turned until finally the scary shadows in the corner got the best of her. She slowly snuck out into the dimly lit hall and went towards the glow coming from your study. She was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. She stood in the threshold a moment, gathering the courage to let you know she was out of bed, then gently pressed the door open, making a creak and prompting you to immediately close your browser window. But it was too late. She had already seen what you were looking at… another beautiful woman with long flowing hair just like the one from the restaurant earlier, again moving sensually before your eyes. She turned her tiny face up at you and hesitantly asked, “Daddy, do you think I’m pretty?” to which immediately you replied, “Absolutely, baby… just like your mommy.”

And in that moment she knew, she didn’t want to grow up to be a warrior like Mommy, she wanted to be beautiful and sexy like the women she saw you adore.

Nature vs. Nurture - One woman's journey to discover the true value of human life...

"I was born to a real life, 100%, granola eating, acid dropping, hairy legged hippie who raised me to always be proud of my womanly capabilities. I knew at a young age the importance of things like breastfeeding etc. She taught me the "my body, my choice" religion. I can even remember writing research papers about the rightness of "pro-choice". When I was 11 I watched my mother bring my baby sister into this world. I witnessed first hand the utter miracle that is birth. When my sister was a day old I was in the hospital room keeping my mom company when the birth certificate worker came by to get the baby's information. I beamed with pride over my new sister as the worker asked routine question about my mother, and her health history. Then the question came. "Have you ever had an abortion?" My mothers answer? "Yes." I felt the blood leave my head. "How many?" "3." I thought I was going to be sick. It was one thing to preach "pro-choice", it was quite another to know you are only here because 3 of your siblings are dead. I wanted to cry. I looked at my sister wondering why she, and I, and my older sister were here. Why did we get to come, but the first 3 didn't? What if they had? Would I not be here? Flash forward 12 years; only 2 months into my marriage, and what do we get? A big fat positive pregnancy test. Wasn't exactly planning that. And for a split second, there was a fleeting thought..."Do I even want this?" I had to stop myself. I was right back in that hospital room with my mom and that feeling of disgust and shock. How could I even think that?! Because when it really sank in, that I was pregnant, I knew without a doubt, that I had a human baby inside me. And not just my human baby, my new husbands too. And when I finally welcomed her into this world (11 days past due!) that was it. Proof. These are people too, humans, not just a clump of cells. If that were the case, then that is all I am too. But until now, I haven't owned this belief. I felt like I was betraying my political party with this conviction. Well guess what, humans, all humans, no matter the size, are worth more to me than a political group.

...I also want to say that I still love my mother and respect her. She has taught me so much, and whether she meant to or not, she taught me to value life. And for that I am grateful."

-Kay Rogers