Monday, May 9, 2011

Screw Equality.

Hello Good Sirs,

I hope I find you well today. I just wanted stop by and clear up a little bit of a misunderstanding which I believe you and many of your fellow brethren seem to be having. You came by it honestly, some might even say hereditarily, so there’s no need to be defensive, but many of you are under this silly impression that the thing, yes, that thing right there, hanging between your legs, that dangling tower of confidence from which you rule your mighty kingdom, somehow entitles you to more than the rest of us.

This is kind of embarrassing, and I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but ummm, no. Sorry. It does not.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Look here little lady, until you can write your name on the side of a building, or in the snow, you might want to go back to what you know, like pie making,” but gents, you’re simply wrong. Also, I would caution you in underestimating my party trick urination. I’ve been working on it lately and I think you’d all be in for a real treat.

But I digress, back to your penis, or my lack there of, rather. I am not jealous of that snag hazard, nor do I strive in the least to be equal to you in length or width.

No, I have my own secret weapon, and the way I look at it, my genitalia is quite superior.

Yep, you heard me, my baby-maker makes me better than you. Plain and simple.

My body can do things that you could not even fathom doing in your wildest dreams. And to help you all understand this, I have compiled a list. You’re welcome, in advance.

A list of things that we can do with our vaginas:

  • Conceal Heroin, nail files, and the like- all without getting poop on them.
  • Rule 39% of the population (I deducted 10% for clergymen and ‘fabulous’ men).
  • Totally sick or titillating (depending on who you ask) tricks with ping-pong balls.
  • And, oh yeah, grow and deliver people to this planet like we have some sort of superhuman teleportation device tucked up in our crotch!

Not to be rude, but yeah, way flipp’en cooler than lifting up heavy rocks or whatever other weird mess you guys try to do with your junk on the weekends.

All of this brings me to my next point. Whichever one of you convinced some of my lady friends that dropping our reproductive attributes off of our gender specific resume is empowering, you’re smart. I’ll give you that much.

You found a way to get us to underestimate our God given superpowers in an attempt to settle for equality. But I’m here to burst your bubble. We’re onto you.

No longer will I stoop to your level. Sorry, but I was meant for more. More than vaginal beer pong, more that drug trafficking, more than p**** control….those are all fine and dandy, but you can compete with all of those. You can pull buses or plug things, but the one thing you cannot do is incubate life. And I can. So neener-neener, keep your wiener. We are the superior beings (even if some of us do choose to sum up articles like immature schoolgirls).


A husband loving, non-lesbian, who has never castrated anything, and really is not nearly as big of a 'B' as this post would lead you to believe.


Destiny is Founder and President of New Wave Feminists. She also writes stuff that's in stuff sometimes.


  1. "neener-neener, keep your wiener" I couldn't agree more. ")

  2. The tenor of this post is very different than Kristen's posts. I personally don't like it very much--it comes off as a personal stream of consciousness, random-thought blog post. I agree with some points, not with the attitude, not with denigrating men to lift up our gender.

    I was looking forward to maybe getting involved with New Wave Feminists, but maybe it is not for me? I am not Christian and I don't like mining self-confidence by putting down the opposite sex. Hmm....

  3. The tenor is different because it's not one of Kristen's posts. Sorry. :)

    It's also meant to be very tongue-in-cheek. So try not to take it too seriously.

  4. I am Christian. I am prolife. I am a feminist. Loved this post!

  5. New Wave feminist? more like Fanatic Christians who have access to a computer...

  6. Aw, thank you so much. What a great compliment!

  7. I am Christian, I am male, I do not lift rocks or do anything like that with my "wiener" on the weekends, so I guess I must have been doing something wrong in my life...?

  8. You were probably just going to the wrong men's group... :)

  9. geez this is loaded with more misandry than a mainstream feminist blog....they might be pro-choice...and more vicious but they never claim SUPERIORITY (atleast not in an open sense) I'm pro-life and very non-traditional gender minded but this ticks me off.

  10. We're each superior in our own way. Ours just happens to be our baby making, which we've been deceived into sacrificing.

  11. I think its astupid ploy to be honest...some women are just selfish and wanna have all the sex they want and prusue other gains and a kid isnt in the plan so when sex creates an unwnated kid..theyll get rid of it...even the mainstream fems are agaisnt FORCED abortions...but some women...with ZERO economic or social pressures will still have abortions...they choose to. I think its totally wrong but im not gonna pretend like i have their interests at heart...i have innocent life at heart.

  12. And are u changing ur story? I don't recall "in our own way"...being simply says ur better than us...and then u argue u dont want equality......? what gives? things can be equal but better in different departments....2 football teams can have different strengths...maybe one is a running a witha strong o-line...etc...and those two teams can still go to toe to toe. But you just claimed women were better. Btw...i happen to think women are superior but not biologically....i think they're more suited to modern society...little girls and women can sit still and get rhoguth school (nearly 60% of colelge grads are women and rising) boys today are loaded with anxiety. We dont get to track down wild animals and drag back to the cave to feed a family. So now we get to vent our agreassive nature on XBOX/drinking/doing dumb risky things etc. and all the while women will be running affairs. I HATE the idea of men being an underclass but its absolutely occurring..but not because we have penis okay?

  13. Yeah, I dunno. You're obviously superior at winning the Internet tonight. While I delivered a footling breech baby less than 36 hours ago in an all natural home birth. I am superior at that. And I'm feeling pretty super feminist and awesome about it right now. So needless to say, I'm not in the mood to argue a year old blog at this hour as I nurse my new baby, sorry.

    It was meant to be a humorous post. Perhaps NWF's isn't the group for you. Especially if you only have the interest of the unborn at heart. More power to ya though. Protecting babies is always a worthy cause, so keep fighting the good fight. D.

  14. Yes, I'm pro-life now but in all honesty if our culture keeps up in all the ways it alienates boys and men.....Abortion might be the most merciful thing that can ever happen to a male fetus. (Hell all the enviromental hazards and birth control hormones are already causing less boys/male birth defects.