Ashley's Story...

November is National Adoption Month and I've decided to share our experience with adoption.

Before my daughter was born I reminded her birth mom to keep being honest with us, and that if she were to change her mind at any point that I would understand and support her in her decision. Of course, I would be in a lot of pain, but having given birth to a child myself, I couldn't imagine the strength and courage it took to place a child for adoption.

Throughout her labor I stayed by her side.

We took this picture after 21 hours of labor, when my daughter's birth mom was able to rest for a bit before pushing. While the room was quiet and tears were streaming down my face, I prayed for God's peace and comfort for her. I needed the Lord more than ever in this moment as I couldn't even fathom what the next couple of hours were going to be like.

After she delivered, my husband followed our new sweet baby into another room to be examined, and I stayed by her side.

I can't even begin to explain the emotions that flooded the room from the nurses and OB, to me and my daughter's birth mom. She closed her eyes and wept. It's a sound I could never bear to hear again. A sound I imagine any woman would make knowing that placing your child for adoption is the best choice, but one that breaks your heart in the most painful way. She turned to me and said "Congratulations. Please go kiss her."

I couldn't. I couldn't even speak. Tears flooded my eyes as I held onto my daughter's mother's hand so tightly. I told her I wouldn't leave until she was ready.

Birth moms don't give away their children. They sacrificially, painfully, courageously, place their child in a home where a life could be provided for them that they cannot at that current time provide for their child. I watched as a brave 15-year-old woman said yes to life, mustered the courage and strength to choose life for her daughter, and with joy, hand her baby to me.

It was one of the most painful yet happiest moments of my life, one that has forever changed me as a woman and a mother. ‪#‎ShoutYourAdoption‬

 

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 Post by Ashley Baldwin‬

Let's talk about cases of rape and incest

This is the ugly truth no one ever wants to talk about. Abortion allows predators to repeatedly victimize the most vulnerable among us- born and preborn children. ChildPredators.com shows just how frequently this happens by publishing nationwide news stories and court documents (changing the names of the victims for their protection of course). These clinics must be held accountable and we must stop repeating the lie that abortion is the best thing for women, when it allows so many to be exploited and abused. 

A society that claimes we *need* abortion because of cases of rape and incest needs to wake up to the fact that the rapists are the very ones they're actually protecting, while their victims are being silenced.

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Post by Destiny

Playboy isn't giving up nudes for any valiant reason (and isn't even trying to claim to)...

I know, as a feminist, I'm supposed to be SUPER FREAKIN' EXCITED about Playboy's announcement that they will no longer line the pages of their magazines with nude images of women. I know I should be celebrating this “victory for womanhood,” viewing this as a major porn giant conceding to the reality that women aren't products or property to be exploited for profit. But, I can't. I can't celebrate that a major pornography giant has come crumbling down under the pressure of seeing women for who they are, and I can't celebrate Hugh Hefner's long-awaited admission that women are actually people. Because none of that actually happened.

I have long held a determined resentment toward Playboy magazine. Maybe I'm old-timey in my more traditional view on sexual ethics, but I loathe pornography. I really do. I hate, especially, multi billion dollar industries which profit off of the sale of women's body parts masquerading as consumer goods for the entertainment of men.

So imagine my disgust when I read that Playboy's reasoning for abandoning its long-time sale of porn-lined pages, according to their chief executive, was simply: “You’re now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free. And so it’s just passé at this juncture.”

“Passé.” Going out of style. Boring. Normal. Expected. Playboy isn't giving up nudes for any valiant reason (and isn't even trying to claim to); they're jumping the porn ship because society is so drunk on porn it isn't even fazed by it anymore. Pornography is passé. Naked women aren't edgy. Naked women are everywhere, their forms easily accessible and therefore, no longer prime for turning a profit.

Not only are women merely parts for sale, we're no longer profitable enough for Playboy to think we're worth selling. The porn giant wasn't forced to admit that women are more than what they've said we are for over half a century; rather, they've been forced out of the business of porn because women's bodies are more accessible for viewing pleasure, with zero commitment and zero sense of responsibility and zero hangups and strings attached, elsewhere, for cheaper, and without all that “really great articles” shit to stifle through. What Playboy once offered for sale down the street is now not only free but mere clicks away.

What Playboy helped set into motion, it's now reaping the consequences of – and I can't even enjoy watching them burn for it. I really wish I could. I wish we could think of this as women finally being viewed as people and not products. I wish it weren't the case that women are just another thing getting popular and therefore going cheap. But, unfortunately, in a world where women aren't viewed as people, we can expect to not be regarded as people. Maybe someday that will change, but not today, and definitely not as a result of anything Playboy does.

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Post by Tori Long

Maybe some women don't heal through shouting...

I know we're supposed to see these women using the #ShoutYourAbortion hashtag and feel one of two ways- either proud of their boldness or angry at their callousness.

But I don't feel either of those things.

I just kinda want to take them all out for coffee and let them know that if they need to "shout it" and surround themselves with other women who are saying abortion is okay, then I totally understand that. Reading through these tweets, I don't get the sense that most of these stories are coming from a place of pride. I think a lot of these women have probably been holding onto their abortions for awhile now not really knowing how to feel about them. The world tells us abortion's no big deal, but very few women actually choose to abort lightly, so somewhere deep down most of us know it is… something. We don't think twice about getting a root canal or removing our appendix, but a majority of women lament at least a little bit about whether or not to choose abortion.

And when you come out on the other side of that choice, having made a decision that cannot be undone… well, I guess I'd probably be doing the same exact thing. I'd want to find a community of women who also aborted and think it's okay and more importantly who would reassure me that what I did was okay. And I probably wouldn't want to have it festering inside me either. I'd want to 'shout it out' as well.

But if you've done all this tweeting and shouting, and still find that you're struggling with your abortion, please know that I love you. I truly, genuinely care about your happiness and wellbeing. As a feminist I don't want to see a woman living under any type of oppression, whether it's societally inflicted or emotional and self-induced. So if you do struggle with a past abortion, and have yet to make peace with it, please please please reach out to me. I'd love nothing more that to help you find healing so you can live a life free from that bondage.

And if that's not you, if you're someone who chose abortion and think it's the best decision you ever made, I want you to know that I Iove you too. This isn't about guilting or shaming anyone, it's just about letting women who don't handle things in the same way know that there are other options when it comes to processing a past abortion. Pro-choice can't just apply to ending a pregnancy. Women need to know there are also alternative ways to deal with the emotions left after they've terminated.

This is how Planned Parenthood "Mammograms"

Why do pro lifers hate science so hard?

What We Need to Teach Young Women About Their Bodies

Originally Published on Huffington Post- 

By Ruth Miller

I used to work in a sexual health clinic. It was interesting but sometimes frustrating work. One day a young woman came in upset and angry about a "discharge" she had that she didn't like and wanted to get rid of. 

"I've been to two other clinics and had tests and they tell me there's nothing wrong with me. But I still have this discharge!" 

I asked her if the discharge was clear and watery, like egg whites. She said it was. "You know, there is nothing wrong with you," I said. "In fact, everything is right with you. That is your natural cervical mucus. It comes every month before ovulation, and it has to do with your fertility." 

We then had a conversation about the mucus changes over the month and what these changes mean. She left, much relieved and a lot wiser. 

Women don't understand their fertility.

At the clinic I rarely met women, young or old, who understand their fertility and what happens during the menstrual cycle. They all know about the blood, although not always why they bleed. But few know anything about what happens between periods. No one has told them. 

Why have we kept this information from young women? Why do we tell them they can get pregnant any time of the month? If it's to encourage young people to use protection when they have sex, it doesn't seem to work. We have given out countless morning after pills (emergency contraception pills) to young women who tell us they always use condoms except that once when they didn't and guess when that one time usually is? You got it, just at their most fertile time. They have no idea when that is or how their body can clue them in about it. 

Educators and counsellors don't know how to tell the story of fertility.

When educators and counsellors don't have the full story, we are afraid to share the information we have lest it be misinterpreted. Some of us think the information is too complicated. We don't know how to explain it, so we don't say anything. 

When I was young, no one really understood what cervical mucus was, what it was for and why it changed over the month. But now we know that when this mucus is wet, slippery, clear and stretchy, it is what we call fertile mucus. It comes a few days before ovulation. 

Fertile window includes cervical mucus.

Some years ago I read an article that proclaimed women's "fertile window" was unpredictable. The conclusion was that even when women considered their cycles "regular" their ovulation could be unpredictable in any given month. The advice to women was not to rely on calendar dates to determine their fertile window, (good advice in my opinion) but not once in the entire article did the authors mention that the "fertile window" had to do with cervical mucus. 

So, while some educators and other health professionals tell young women you can get pregnant any time of the month, others tell them that there is a safe time after the period, when they cannot get pregnant. This may be true for some women, but fertility experts know that if a girl or woman has a short cycle, her cervical mucus will appear early and she will ovulate early too. They know it is possible that the mucus may even be there when she is still menstruating and that it is possible to get pregnant while still on your period if you have a long one. They tell us sperm can live in this mucus up to five days, waiting for the release of the egg.

The mucus sperm love

The mucus sperm love is transparent and elastic. I tell the women, "Check your underpants every day or when you wipe after you pee. If the mucus is there, if it is clear, slippery, like egg whites and if you can stretch it, you are fertile. That is the stuff that sperm love. The mucus helps keep the sperm alive and to swim. Even though the egg only lives about a day after it is released from the ovary, women are fertile longer than one day, due to the mucus that comes before."

Then I usually tell them how many sperm men release every time they ejaculate. When they hear that it is millions, their eyes grow wide. 

The mucus changes. 

"So what happens after the egg has been released and died or been fertilized? Well, the mucus changes. Now it could be described as dry, sticky pasty and yellowy. You cannot stretch it. Nature doesn't care anymore if sperm can swim in the mucus, because there is no egg to fertilize. After a couple of weeks, if the egg has not been fertilized, the lining of the uterus sheds, little by little, and that is menstruation." 

Of course if a woman is on the pill or on "the shot" or some other hormonal method, she doesn't have the fertile mucus because she is not releasing an egg. 

Now isn't that a neat story? And if you are a guy, wouldn't it be useful to know the story of women's fertility and your own? Then you will be informed enough to avoid playing Russian roulette when it comes to protection. Of course, using condoms all the time would go a long way to solving that problem. 

Books for girls don't tell the story well either.

When I was looking for books about puberty and menstruation, most of the books I saw had inaccurate information about cervical mucus, where it comes from, (the cervix) and what it is for (fertility). One book described it as vaginal mucus, for cleaning the vagina. Another said it came before menstruation and also said it was for cleaning the vagina. Another said it came from the walls of the vagina. Another described it but did not say where it was produced or why, and called it "discharge." (I know a lot of people call it discharge but I find that term rather negative.) One of the books reiterated the falsehood that you can get pregnant at any time but then, in another section talked about a safe time! Guess when it was? Right after the period! By the time I had finished looking through these books, I was gnashing my teeth. And I wouldn't recommend any of them. 

So please, let's tell girls and women the truth. Let's acknowledge the role mucus plays (particularly when telling the story of menstruation). And let's tell the story early so the girls won't worry about what's in their underpants, and let's tell it often so young women are empowered by this knowledge. Then they will know that there is nothing wrong with them. In fact, everything is right!