Most of us think we know
what rape is. Whenever someone forces themself onto another person without
consent, it's sexual assault. It's very black and white... except when it
isn't.
It took me ten years and
ultimately a very honest and kind friend to tell me that when I was "taken
advantage of" in high school that one time, I had actually been raped. I
mean, had I said "no"? Yes. Had I been crying? Yes. Had I asked him
to stop? I had. But in my mind, because he had not beaten me up and wasn't
holding me down, it wasn't really rape - it was just a teenage guy "taking
advantage of the situation." For years I used that term. For years I made
excuses for his behavior.
We live in an increasingly
violent world, where most adolescent boys are brought up on a steady stream of
pornography. The images they see are far from those in their father's Playboy. They are inundated with women
being dominated, overpowered, and placed increasingly in states of pain. Their
natural, instinctual reaction to protect their partners from harm, or to stop
when their partners are expressing discomfort, has now been replaced with the
exact opposite. Inflicting pain becomes a turn-on. These boys confuse faces
twisting in agony with pleasure based on the pornography they've fed their
minds for years. Sexual intimacy is rapidly being replaced with violence in our
modern-day society.
And it's not just the guys
who are learning this. Young women are constantly being told that their power
lies in their sexuality; every magazine stand and billboard screams it. You
want to exude confidence and strength? Become the ultimate sex kitten. Act like
the girl in the porn or like Anastasia in Fifty
Shades of Grey.
I didn't get up and run
away that day because the very thing that was supposed to make me confident and
strong was now breaking me - making me feel scared and weak. I froze. Between
the two of us, we'd created the perfect storm: a girl so insecure that she
couldn't forcefully demand that the boy stop violating her, and a boy who thought
"no" meant "yes," and that "stop" meant
"go."
As I watch Live Action's
latest undercover investigation into Planned Parenthood, SexEd, I want to jump
through the screen and shake the nurse who thinks it's okay to talk to a
15-year-old girl about "safe words" and BDSM - who's telling this
girl that words like "no" and "stop" can get "mixed up
when you're having intercourse," or that "usually a lot of people
will say 'stop' even though it feels good." She has no idea of the long-term
damage she's doing - or, honestly, maybe she does have an idea, and it's simply
good for business.
When we tell teens to
engage in this type of destructive behavior, we are telling them they are not
worthy of love. We are saying they do not deserve to be cherished, that they deserve
only to be hurt. We are telling them abuse is affection. And furthermore, when
we instruct them that "stop" is not a good safe word because
"usually people say 'stop' even though it feels good," we are
reinforcing the lie, to a generation of confused young men, that yeah, she
really did want it. And we are telling the girls hurt by these young men that
they were probably asking for it.
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Post by Destiny
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Post by Destiny
your story is heartbreaking. what's more, pro-abortion feminists are at once urging the mantra "no means no" AND defending planned parenthood's sex ed. WHAT THE HELL?! cognitive dissonance, much?
ReplyDeleteEven if this were an adult woman suggesting that porn and sex shops are good places to look for advice about how to practice sex safely is so stupid. As a professional who is supposed to provide counseling about sex you need to be able to say 'I don't know, let me look that up for you.' when you are as obviously out of your depth as this nurse. BDSM can be practiced in a loving way in the context of a healthy relationship but that's not what you'll find in porn or 50 Shades of Grey instead you find an abusive relationship using BDSM as a cover. Even from a harm minimisation point of view (if we follow the frequently quoted idea that there's no way to stop teenagers from having sex so we have to make sure they are doing it safely) this is being done terribly as there's no questions asked about just how secure and trusting the relationship is.
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