His name is Jesus.
Just kidding, I'm actually talking about my friend Dave. And I met him at a bar.
See, we've been long time internet friends (not like in a Worlds of Warcraft way, just on Facebook through NWF). I already knew he was a cool dude, but in the course of just two days he went beyond that and restored my hope in the next generation of men, a generation I thought was all but obliterated by 24/7 streaming porn and a culture of hook-up sex. I should warn you though, he's got a girlfriend who he completely loves and more than that totally respects... so you're not allowed to fall for him as you read this, even though you're probably gonna want to.
So picture this: we're at a "pro-life dance party." Yeah, that's a thing, swear. And while the club was packed with us crazy anti-choice fanatics the music was still pretty regular, the booze was a flowing, and HOLY. CRAP. the ladies behind the bar were nekkid. Like NEK-KID. One forgot her pants, while the other forgot her shirt. So even if you morphed them together they'd still be wearing less than Tim Curry had on as Frank-N-Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture show. And I seriously think the shirtless one must've had her nipples surgically removed or something, because I have no idea how I was NOT seeing them with that much titay hangin' out.
So Dave and I walk up and immediately he swings his head around. Like Linda Blair fast. I quickly realized why. I'm always one for helping my brother not to stumble, so I figured I'd get their attention, we'd order and get out of there. Only problem, these women were working for tips so they didn't want to serve me (a non-bewb ogling dude). FORTY-FIVE minutes we stood there. We made small talk, brought up the fact that it was far too cold in DC for anyone to dress like that, and I ranted about something feministy and ranty as I do when wine's being withheld from me, and then suddenly I noticed Dave kinda had his hand up... like physically blocking himself from seeing these women. I asked and he said something to the effect of, yeah, I'm a guy, of course I likes boobs, but that doesn't mean I have to be a dog and stare at them. Wow. I didn't know there were still fellas like that around. (Side note: I assume my husband's one, but thankfully we've never been faced with a fuzzy navel flinging fembot before.)I was just amazed, and so filled with hope. This guys gets it, like gets it gets it.
The night before he had mentioned how his parents did not let him date in high school. They said you only date with the intent of marrying someone, and at that age he wasn't ready. Way to set the bar high, Dave's parents. It is so vital that our children understand their bodies. That they are educated on how they work and what they will respond to so that they know how to guard themselves from that type of stimuli until they are ready for it.
I can only hope this is the sign of more righteous dudes to come, who will respect and appreciate a woman's beauty and will preserve her dignity even if she's naively trying to sell it. This is the type of man we should want our sons to be and our daughters to marry.
So...first, this post makes me sound way better than I am. While I appreciate the super nice words (for cereal), they go a bit too far. I've had a lot of good influences over the years - my parents (who ARE pretty flippin' awesome), some really solid male friends (some of whom I've learned from their mistakes/decisions, others who've been really solid guys from jump-street), some great ladies (some of whom I no doubt have hurt along the way because I can be a bit of an ass at times...I am human after all), and (because I'm a mackerel-snapping papist) some pretty awesome Saints (not least of whom are St. Jude - my Confirmation saint, and bonus points if you find a beautiful irony in my choice - St. Peter, whom I love because he's the consummate screw-up of the Apostles - J: "Do you 'agape' me?" P: "I 'filia" You."*; "Even if I have to die with you, I will not deny you." And then thrice before sun up...good goin' Pete = and St. Augustine, who famously wrote, "Lord, give me chastity and continence, but not yet" (words that I can relate to, for better or for worse). I owe a lot of my willingness to fight for chastity (I say fight, because it really is, and, to be blunt, I lose a lot) to friends I made in college who really help hold me to a higher standard than the world does.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "courageous" step of being almost willing to gnaw off my own arm rather than stare at the bartenders, part of that is knowing my weakness. Again, I really appreciate the kind words and the image of strength you've put forth, but if I am strong, it is not my strength. My only strength is knowing how easy it is for me to completely eff things up. Again...with the whole being human thing. If you're the prayin' kind, feel free to whisper a little one for me. I can use all the help I can get.
Anyway, it was really awesome to meet you ladies. Keep on keepin' on and I really think it's messages like yours (and those of several other women I met this weekend, and my girlfriend) that will make the difference. Let's face it, the pro-life movement has been painted as an oppression of women by old, probably white dudes who simply want absolute control of your lady parts so we can make you have babies. Also, preferably, you'll be barefoot and in the neighborhood of a kitchen (not that there's anything wrong with any of those things...just...the making you do them part). I really hope this was the last March, and that if you're up here again, it will be for significantly happier things.
Also, great reference to Dr. Frank N. Furter.
*Forgive my paraphrasing and use of Greek.
High five for papistry and Greek. (Seriously, though, nerd moment at the J/P convo. I literally lol every time I read that passage. I love Pete.( And Jude. And Gus. They're all great.)) Chastity is awesome. Keep fighting the good fight, brother. Prayers!
ReplyDeleteDestiny, I should stop reading your blog late at night. It makes me laugh really hard, and I'm still sore from the march.
So we must have bolted before the boobies came out. When was this?
ReplyDeleteI agree with your friend. It is a conscious effort to avoid everything that the world has to throw at you. It is not always so easy. On the flip side - It is also sad that I don't think I have ever dated a woman that was a virgin; and these were not slutty women. You're almost consided a freak if your not willing to have sex.
ReplyDeleteDave's humility makes him seem even more awesome (and most def not a lost cause.) Well played, sir! Anyway, great post, Des. I couldn't agree more that Dave is a great example for the male younguns, warts and all. Also: the beard.
ReplyDelete<3 Dave <3
ReplyDeleteDarn, I was trying to keep it a secret how great he is, now I'm going to have to beat girls off of him with a stick. But in all seriousness, it is sad that guys have to be bombarded by stuff like this constantly. The more I learn about guys it makes me realize just how hard it must be for them to be chaste. I wish we could do more to help our guy friends, and boyfriends. I think it’s a good start to try to dress and speak modestly, but I guess we just need to spread the word to the women who don’t feel worthy of being respected.
ReplyDeleteAlso supplying support and acknowledging their efforts is sure to help :)
Can I meet Dave's parents? I'd like some tips on raising my boys!
ReplyDeleteI like how you refer to women who wear less clothing than you're comfortable with as 'fuzzy navel flinging fembots'. That's really great, feminist language you use to deride other women's choices. I'd almost say...:::gasp::: not very feminist at all.
ReplyDeleteI gotta agree here. If you wanna call yourself a feminist, you gotta leave the judging at home. And also all the parts of this article where you objectify breasts by calling them such juvenile things as "titays". I find it really offensive. It also buys into the juvenile masculine culture we are surrounded by. I have breasts and a vagina and they deserved to be called by respectful names.
DeleteGood for Dave and all... but it's so sad that we think this is some act of heroism on his part, when not being objectified is something we as women should both expect and demand.
ReplyDelete