Hurt People Hurt People… and let people hurt them.

New Nail Polish Detects Date Rape Drug; Infuriates Feminists

I hate victim-blaming. It's one of the few things in the world I could say truly disgusts me, and not be speaking hyperbolically. There is no excuse -- ever -- for sexual assault in any form. There is no excuse for rape. However, even with all that said… I can't say there's any reason to ignore our need to protect ourselves.
If we admit we live in a rape culture, why are my fellow feminists in uproar at the thought that women should be taught and equipped to protect themselves from something so heinous?
Yes, teach men not to rape, definitely. I could talk about it until I ran out of breath. But to neglect to equip a woman to defend herself from assault in what we already acknowledge is a rape culture isn't just ignorant, it's batshit insane. It's like saying "We live in a burglary culture. No one should ever lock their doors."
We shouldn't have to protect ourselves from sexual assault. But if we can and need to we should be able to if we so choose. Affecting the culture at large does not and should not require an absolute abandonment of practicality and common sense on an individual basis.
Let's hope for and work towards a future in which those who would be victims don't have to worry, and those who would be aggressors would never think to commit violent acts. Let's stop blaming the victim, and stop placing fault on someone who didn't consent to what unfolded. In the meantime, why are we shaming dudes for making nail polish? For trying to help? For actually doing something to make rape less likely to occur, for someone, somewhere?
Complain all you want, I guess. But I, for one, won't be turning in my stun gun so I can jump on this "Screw protecting ourselves!" weird feminist band wagon.

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Post by Tori Long

Why This Video Matters To Me Personally

Most of us think we know what rape is. Whenever someone forces themself onto another person without consent, it's sexual assault. It's very black and white... except when it isn't.

It took me ten years and ultimately a very honest and kind friend to tell me that when I was "taken advantage of" in high school that one time, I had actually been raped. I mean, had I said "no"? Yes. Had I been crying? Yes. Had I asked him to stop? I had. But in my mind, because he had not beaten me up and wasn't holding me down, it wasn't really rape - it was just a teenage guy "taking advantage of the situation." For years I used that term. For years I made excuses for his behavior.

We live in an increasingly violent world, where most adolescent boys are brought up on a steady stream of pornography. The images they see are far from those in their father's Playboy. They are inundated with women being dominated, overpowered, and placed increasingly in states of pain. Their natural, instinctual reaction to protect their partners from harm, or to stop when their partners are expressing discomfort, has now been replaced with the exact opposite. Inflicting pain becomes a turn-on. These boys confuse faces twisting in agony with pleasure based on the pornography they've fed their minds for years. Sexual intimacy is rapidly being replaced with violence in our modern-day society.

And it's not just the guys who are learning this. Young women are constantly being told that their power lies in their sexuality; every magazine stand and billboard screams it. You want to exude confidence and strength? Become the ultimate sex kitten. Act like the girl in the porn or like Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey.

I didn't get up and run away that day because the very thing that was supposed to make me confident and strong was now breaking me - making me feel scared and weak. I froze. Between the two of us, we'd created the perfect storm: a girl so insecure that she couldn't forcefully demand that the boy stop violating her, and a boy who thought "no" meant "yes," and that "stop" meant "go."

As I watch Live Action's latest undercover investigation into Planned Parenthood, SexEd, I want to jump through the screen and shake the nurse who thinks it's okay to talk to a 15-year-old girl about "safe words" and BDSM - who's telling this girl that words like "no" and "stop" can get "mixed up when you're having intercourse," or that "usually a lot of people will say 'stop' even though it feels good." She has no idea of the long-term damage she's doing - or, honestly, maybe she does have an idea, and it's simply good for business.

When we tell teens to engage in this type of destructive behavior, we are telling them they are not worthy of love. We are saying they do not deserve to be cherished, that they deserve only to be hurt. We are telling them abuse is affection. And furthermore, when we instruct them that "stop" is not a good safe word because "usually people say 'stop' even though it feels good," we are reinforcing the lie, to a generation of confused young men, that yeah, she really did want it. And we are telling the girls hurt by these young men that they were probably asking for it.

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Post by Destiny